I wrote the blog post below in 2009 as I struggled to find a new way to communicate with my father. Father’s Day was a struggle. I hadn’t quite learned how to let go of the past.

A year later we had a great Father’s Day, sitting around the house watching movies and eating junk food. Not only had we started over, I was able to look at our history and realize how much I'd been loved; even if it didn't always look like I wanted.

In his card, I told him I was glad we had a second chance.

He died a month later.

Think about giving your dad a call even if you might be in a space where you don't really feel like it. I know it's hard. I've been there. Situations can turn around, even when it seems like an impossibility.

I appreciate those of you have checked in with me this week and throughout this past year. I'm good. I don't have any regrets. It makes this weekend a little easier.

Happy Father’s Day.

Father's Day

June 23, 2009

it's taken a minute to write this.

father's day is always a problem.

that's not true.

it's a problem now.

i don't remember celebrating father's day when i was a kid.

i'm sure i made cards, or something, but for many years,

from basically the time i was 10 until last year, that day hasn't been a non-event.

then he had a heart attack.

next, i moved in.

then, here comes father's day.

i didn't know what to do.

i bought a shirt and handed it to him.

i didn't have to say anything.

it was just easier to buy something,

than to say something.

that was last year though.

father's day comes every year.

this year it was harder.

last year he missed my birthday, which was days before i moved in,

but i was used to that.

he never remembered.

this year, he missed my birthday again.

it wasn't a problem, until...

i was asked to go card shopping for my cousin's upcoming birthday.

i realized...

he is aware that birthdays exist and he knows what most people do in celebration of them...

and he's doing so for my cousin.

maybe it is okay to hold him accountable for knowing the date of my birth.

i mean, in some ways that particular event ties directly into father's day.

but, i'm grown.

and i'm over it.

i've forgiven.

i'll say it dammit.

happy father's day.

it's just three little words.

i don't know how much longer we have and i've learned that life is fragile.

i needed bacon first.

i needed energy.

i went to the waffle house on the way to see him on father's day.

alone, i sat.

i was surrounded by families.

it touched me to see so many men with their kids.

i thought it was sweet.

but then it went a little too far.

the brother in the booth front of me, about 40 years old, put his arm around his son of about 13 and called him his "b.f.f.f.f."

they laughed.

i cried.

maybe i am not over it.

i don't think i ever realized how much i missed by not having him present,

until that moment.

up until then it had all been about the financial discomfort.

i know he loves me.

i have pictures of us when i was very young.

we look happy.

but, i never had an arm around me, or a "b.f.f.f.f.'

i finally made it to him.

i couldn't say it.

that's not true.

i could say it,

but i didn't.

i hoped that my presence communicated enough to let him know that he is loved.

i am happy that he's still here and i do love him.

but the old adage isn't true.

you can miss what you never had.

I knew the ratings for "The Game" would be huge. It apparently scored almost 8 million viewers last night; more than double the average of the show's ratings on The CW.

At one point last night, every tweet on my Timeline was about the show. Over on Facebook, all the chatter reminded me of how I watched shows like "Different World" in the dorms.

At another time, when I don't have a migraine, I'll go into some of the self-loathing that manifests in the critique of African-American popular culture. For now, I'll keep it light with a few of of my favorite tweets about the show.

Using the AFI Top 10 Films of 2010 list, let's see who comes out on top of a Best Film Cage Match.

The first match-up, the Coen Bros. "True Grit" vs. Ben Affleck's "The Town."

Which one did you like more? The winner goes up against the next film on the list. Vote at the top of the page, or leave choice in the comments.

For the first time in over a decade, my favorite television shows are NOT on HBO, but on TNT. Sigh. In some ways, I attribute this to the gnawing reality that my days are numbered in the 18-49 demo and watching Vinny Chase defile models has gotten old.

Mostly though, TNT's "Southland" and "Men of a Certain Age" are both solid shows in their own unique ways and are worthy of being tied for first place on my TV favorites list. The first 15 minutes of the season premiere of "Southland" was better than the last four seasons "Law & Order."

Meanwhile, "Men of Certain Age" has quietly crafted one of the most authentic-feeling portrayals of male friendship I've ever seen. I am not quite the age of the characters on the show; but as I watch my friends start families and I make plans for this next phase of adulthood, the show feels familiar. It's not entirely frightened by the idea of aging, but not completely comfortable with the idea either.

However, this post isn't really about TNT, or the shows; it's about Lisa Gay Hamilton.

Hamilton plays Melissa Thoreau, wife of Andre Andre Braugher's Owen Thoreau Jr. character on "Men of a Certain Age." Hamilton playing a suburban mom, in a mostly-white community, while sporting natural hair is a breath of fresh air. How she got away with not letting the producers slap a shiny, synthetic wig on her head is beyond me.

In some ways, it is that natural truth about Hamilton that has made me a fan of her work. She seems like someone I'd be friends with; educated, talented and conscious. Kimberly Elise has the film career I imagine Hamilton would have if more than one black actor of a certain type could be successful at one time.

The show's Thoreau clan is an example of what can be done when writers approach diversity without the notion of exoctism. The Thoreau's along with Brian White's portrayal of salesman Marcus are the most well-rounded African-American characters we've seen in some time. Hamilton's character is often at the center; like women sometimes have to be.

Hamilton, instead of falling into banal wife, or "strong black woman" archetypes, has crafted a too seldom seen version of black femininity. Her character, in a word, is ordinary. How refreshing. She's not magical. She's not nursing her white friends back to health. She's not climbing the corporate ladder. She's just an average woman making it happen for her family in the 'burbs. Hamilton has skillfully breathed life into this character, making it special.

Because of the lack of extreme violence, sex, or perhaps young people, the show, while successful, doesn't get a lot of buzz. Add that to the fact that Hamilton isn't the kind of actor we see all over the blog sites (or on her own show's website for that matter). It could be easy to overlook Lisa Gay Hamilton.

After years of putting in work as an actress and director (Did you catch "Beah: A Woman Speaks?") I just wanted to give her a little shine and point you to a great show you might not be watching.

• prince is the elder statesman. prince! time flies. it seems like only a few years ago, he was rocking assless pants. don't get it twisted, he could still rock them. he's the man. all the kids should watch and learn.
• el debrage, patti labelle and deniece williams reminded folks that singers used to actually (ahem!) sing.
• i've never done research on this, but from what i've been told, thugs don't dance. well, from what i saw last night when el debarge hit the stage, that might actually not be true. i saw a few dudes in fitted caps, eyes closed, swaying and crooning. nice.
• speaking of, t.i. and tiny just knocked jada and will from the #1 spot on my favorite couples list. they were grooving to el. groupies fall back.
  
• is it bad to be jealous of willow smith? she gets to express herself more as a kid than i think i've done as an adult. she has a mohawk. when i was her age, i don't think i ever spoke to the barber. i sat down in the chair and left with a ceasar. my big break-out moment was when i was allowed to get two parts on the side.
• i've imagined prince approaching trey songz and calmly saying, "you've angered me" and then disappearing in a cloud of smoke.
• if taraji henson wasn't an actress, she would be the real pretty clerk at some pg county DMV.
• can someone make it possible for mc lyte to be on tv again, before next year's bet awards? i love her. maybe we should do a campaign ala betty white/snl.
• if lyte wasn't in the booth, i'd vote for yo-yo.
• are we supposed to be pretending that trey songz isn't r. kelly redux?
• diddy's reality tv personality makes me want to read more books, but he knows how to work a stage.
  
• keyshia cole wouldn't get into a music school. i still like her though.
• when trey songz was singing, it reminded me of when my brother and i would sing into a fan. thanks for the memories.
• sponsored by CITI TRENDS. 'nuff said.
• not to be all up in her business, but alicia keys is reminding me of how whitney was acting right after she got with bobby. she worked the top of that piano. turned out much?
• i am just realizing i skipped usher's performance and didn't go back.
• nicki minaj sounds like joy behar.
• people on my FB newsfeed thought latifah was dressed as andre leon talley. no kiddies, it was her character from "hairspray."
  
• back to trey...his moms is beautiful and they seem very close. this helps me move past his epic fail with 'purple rain.'
• jermaine jackson looked like his face was sprinkled with old bay.
• was i the only one happy the black eyed peas didn't perform?
  
• if monica's shoulders were gonna be that big, she should have coordinated with deniece williams' stylist. you can't just spring that on somebody. monica was in 'star trek.' deniece was in 'sixteen candles.'
• i loved all of the throwbacks, but it was a reminder to own your publishing/content rights.
• omarosa was in the front row. remember when people like anita, whitney, and MJ had the front row seats.
• i secretly wanted a brandy/monica duet.
  
• hello...good mornin'. sorry. puffy gets in your head like that. confession. i got up and did that backwards two-step they do to the song. i hurt my knee.
  
• there was a gospel performance?
• for fun, i like to sing john legend songs. it's not quite singing. i do a vibrato yodel. it would kill at karaoke. big ups for helping the world.
• just watched the 'purple rain' fiasco again. i feel for trey. i would be crushed if i caught spike lee rolling his eyes at me. ginuwine would have never attempted that...LIVE. i mean, he did remake 'when doves cry,' but only like twelve people heard that and he wouldn't sing it in front of prince.
• i love janelle monae. in theory.
• does india arie still get invited?
• patti labelle made me miss 'showtime at the apollo.'
• rihanna and chris brown BOTH won fan based awards. things that make you say hmmm...

Yo - I am a huge Shanice fan. The girl can sing, but this gave me the morning giggles. You gotta get to about the 1:43 point. She is giving Maya Rudolph a run for her money.

june is black music month. i'm sure there are some amazing events in honor of black music. i've never heard of, or been to any. for me, it's just my favorite time to watch VH1 Soul. they are really off the chain during the month of june. admittedly, it is becoming harder to watch VH1 Soul as i realize that rakim is to my students, what the supremes were to me as a kid.

a twenty year throwback when i was in high school could be aretha franklin's 'think.' for my students, it's janet's 'control.' chew on that.

i was listening to my george michael "best of" cd yesterday. yes, i said cd. george is the man. in his honor, i decided to highlight a couple of my favorite soul brothas (and sisters) from anotha motha.

George Michael - Personal life aside, he's brilliant. Saw him live about a year and half ago(Thanks, Kara!). He still has it. Sometimes it's hard to believe that "Kissing a Fool" came from the same guy who gave us "Wake me up Before you Go Go."


Lisa Stansfield - 'nuff said


Phil Collins - Some of you may argue, but at one point in the 80's Phil was more soulful than former Commodore Lionel Richie. Check out the Urban Renewal cover CD of Phil's songs.


Nu Shooz - I only really know two of their songs (see: Point of No Return), but they stay in heavy rotation.


Teena Marie - I am including her, even though I am not totally convinced she's not black. yes, I saw her TV One "Unsung," but I am still not convinced.


Jon B. - He worked with Pac, sounded like a young Babyface and had better haircuts than most brothas.


Hall and Oates - Classic.


Culture Club - Don't trip. They had soul.


Richard Marx - Okay, this one might be a stretch, but "Right Here Waiting" earns him a spot on the list. Monica did a remake of the song that's pretty good. Her version has more runs than an Olympic track meet, but it still works.


Bonus: Monica's version of "Right Here Waiting"