I figured that if I was going to sit and watch the BET Awards that I needed to make it useful and live blog:
Okay, the pre-show is still on, but it’s winding down according to the countdown clock in the corner of the screen.
The show begins. It’s Usher. I bet he’s going to dance. I was right; he’s dancing. It’s all too much for me. I mean, it’s not bad, I guess. It’s very Vegas. I’m waiting for Gina Gershon to come out.
MC Lyte’s doing the voice-over. She must have a BET contract. I heard her voice on some other show on BET. It was like Flavor of Love, but the losers are given a boot (literally, a Timberland boot). I’m glad she still works.
Remember when you would watch the line-up of stars on award shows and get excited. It’s not like that anymore. OH SHIT! Lisa Lisa’s gonna be on. I’m happy. Please let her sing a medley. I will intern at BET if she sings, “Can You Feel the Beat.”
Damn, here comes the host DL Hughly. I’m not sure if that’s how you spell his name and I’m not checking. He is NOT funny. I want his agents. He looks nice.
Okay, he’s two jokes in and no one cares.
Seriously, no one is really laughing. Thank God, he cut the monologue short.
Jennifer Hudson looks like a sexy Duracell battery. Terrence Howard scares me so I won’t make jokes about him. They are presenting. The script is awful. I can’t. MUTE BUTTON.
They are presenting best male R&B. I miss Luther. Chris Brown just won. Maybe Raheem DeVaughn should have done more flips in his video.
I think I will turn this off after I see Lisa Lisa. I’m already bored. We’re twelve minutes in.
DL’s back on stage and did not attempt a joke. ‘preciate it. He introduces Young Jeezy (he’s 30 by the way). Time to make a sandwich. Wait. Rihanna and Chris B. are grooving in their seats. Cute. Okay, time for sandwich. Hold up. I think I just saw Deelishis in the 39th row of the audience dancing. Wait. They just showed T-Pain in a top hat. He looks like he should be driving a buggy in “Roots the Next Generation”. Everyone knows this song. They’re singing along. Damn. He’s finished and I didn’t make my sandwich.
Kevin Hart and Mel B. are presenting. She looks GOOD! Kevin wants her. He needs to stop; he’s married. Mel will get pregnant by him right on that stage; he needs to back up. Again, the banter is awful. Hire Bruce Vilanch next year please. MUTE. They’re presenting best athlete. I wonder if there will be any nominees who play lacrosse? Nope. Kobe wins. Shocker. That loss has to still sting. It’s okay Kobe. You can come out.
NEFFE & FRANKIE!!!!! I love me some Neffe. They look great Keyshia should be proud. You can’t look at them and not believe there is a God. I wonder if Frankie’s kids who aren’t famous are like WTF? “What about us?”
Oh God. It’s that Pizza Hut P’Zone commercial. Who does that thing look good to? I know the black kid in the commercial, he's in Solange's new video too. I'm glad he's getting checks.
Eddie Murphy’s “Meet Dave” commercial is on. I watched “Beverly Hill Cop” yesterday on Bravo. I would watch it again backwards before seeing “Meet Dave.”
DL’s back. I think he’s gonna make a joke. He tries. Something about Kobe. It doesn’t work.
Keyshia Cole is on. I’m a fan. I’m not sure, but it looks like she may give a subtle performance. NOPE. She’s screeching. I still love her. OK, she just officially became Mary J. She’s in go-go boots and hot pants now. She ripped off the bottom of her dress and is doing “Where I Wanna Be”. It’s awful and I love it. Here comes Lil Kim, looking human. This is a HOT TRANNY MESS. Bravo Keyshia.
Oh, there’s MC Lyte in the booth doing the voice over. She’s cute. She needs to give Trina an application.
Cuba Gooding Jr., Morris Chestnut and Nia Long just stepped on stage. I’m uncomfortable. Oh, wait… "Boyz in the Hood”. I get it now. Cuba is trying to hard. Morris looks like he wants to go find Idris Elba and whoop his ass. Nia, like Terrence Howard scares me, so I will just say she’s pretty. WAIT! The first joke of the night. Ice Cube was supposed to be there, but Cuba just said he was locked up. Funny.
Best female Hip Hop. We all know it’s gonna be Missy…and of course she wins. I think it shoulda been Lil Mama Wayans.
DL’s bombing again.
Neyo’s wearing a suit. Nice. And gloves. Um, okay. I’ll work with it. I like him. He just went in the audience and caressed BET Prez Debra Lee’s face. She looked concerned about the gloves. Usher just got owned.
Ashanti is dressed like a flapper. It works. She’s presenting with LL Cool J. I’m glad ladies still love him. I’m lukewarm. He’s about to release a new CD I think. I hope it’s a jazz duets album w/Queen Latifah. They present Best New Artist to The Dream. Yawn.
Okay, Lyte’s too excited, she’s shouting. Use your inside voice.
Alicia is performing. She is going to wake my cats. This will only be fun if Tisha Campbell and Jasmine Guy come out and do the moves from “School Daze”. Why is she singing “Weak”? SWV betta not come out. WHAT?!? Okay Coco, Taj and Lelee are on my TV. Okay Alicia, you get two points. Wait a minute; “Hold On” is playing. If EnVogue walks out, I will throw my remote at the screen. REMOTE GOES FLYING!!!! I’m on my feet dancing. Thank you BET! It’s ’91 again. Okay, wait…it’s TLC. RIP Left Eye. LOVES IT.
Blah, blah blah, nothing interesting is happening.
Okay, there’s Lisa Lisa. She not singing. Sigh.
More blah, blah, blah…
John Legend looks nice. MUTE. He’s not ignorant, but I’m afraid he may start singing. I can’t risk it. He’s doing an Al Green Tribute. Jill is about sing some Al Green. I think it’s safe to turn up the sound. She looks good. Mrs. Roper is going to want that dress back though. Anthony Hamilton is singing, he sounds good. It’s the best male performance so far. Take note kiddies, you can sing without doing flips.
Angie Stone is grooving in the audience. Radio should really give her a second chance. Oh, there’s Kym Whitley. I want her to be a star. STOP EVEYTHING. Maxwell. Damn. Maxwell. That’s how you do it. I met him once after the Soul Train Awards the first year he came out. He was wearing the same blouse as my friend Veda. Memories. If D’Angelo comes out, I will put my foot through the TV. Well, maybe I’ll wait to see if they cut to Angie Stone.
Al Green is accepting his award. My man notes that Al is looking a bit like Cedric the Entertainer. I agree. Oh, he’s about to sing. Nice. The crowd is going nuts. Everyone’s having a good time. UGK is dancing and singing along. Love it. No, seriously, folks are grooving in the audience. Everybody is up and singing. That’s real music. Period.
Blah, Blah, Blah…the should have closed the show with Al. It’s all downhill now. The hosts of 106&Park are presenting. I miss Free.
Rihanna’s performing. I like “Take a Bow”. I actually like her now. Not bad. She’s Grace Jones to Beyonce’s Miss Texas.
Halle won Best Actress. No comment. Maybe, I will comment. No one who voted saw “Things we Lost in the Fire” last year. What did she win for? Next.
Debra Lee is talking. I wonder if she watched the “Boondock’s” banned BET episode?
Quincy wins something. He’s the man.
Nelly performs. All of a sudden I realize he’s not hot anymore. The industry is no joke. Save those checks. He looks good, but I can’t w/these songs. Here comes Fergie rapping. MUTE.
I think this is almost over. Sean John is presenting something with Lauren London. He announces that she is a role model for all women, because she is the face of is women’s line. Okay. Product Placement. They are drinking Ciroc. The banter is AWFUL. Did DL write this? Please, hire Bruce, seriously. Alicia just won something.
It’s over.
Now, I go to youtube to look for that SWV/EnVogue/TLC clip. Goodnight.
At one time I LOVED "American Idol." Paris Bennett was a contestant on one of the seasons that I enjoyed. She's pregnant. Her grandmother is Ann Nesby from Sounds of Blackness and her mom Jamecia is a singer as well. Paris is 19 years old, so her mother gleefully exclaimed to C.J. of the Star Tribune, "I'm proud of how she did it. I was 16 when I got pregnant." Shoot for the moon, why don't ya'.
