technically i could stop now, but i'll keep going. i am not quite sure where to start. it's been so long. i don't really have an excuse for not writing. i just haven't. it be that way sometimes, ya dig?
it's 2010. that really trips me out. all of the new millennium mayhem feels like it was just yesterday. this whole process of ringing in a new year really takes on a different form when your happy.
most of my adult life, even when i was younger and smashed out of my mind on new year's eve, i had already spent the better part of november through december wondering how i'd squandered another year.
as i got older, this process of reeling from imagined failure started earlier and earlier in the year. by 2004, i'd start lamenting in july. july would come around and for me, that meant christmas was around the corner. the year was over.
so merely six months into the year, i'd already be thinking about how to do it right the next time around. i had a partner in crime who'd go all in with the whole 'next year is our year' thing. she was slightly less ridiculous than i was. once july hit, she'd only conclude that THANKSGIVING was around the corner.
the whole 'next year is our year' thing was hardly ever about "real life" stuff. a year being determined as "our year" meant that we'd achieved some nearly statistically impossible goal of hollywood success.
sad.
i realized, that i haven't done that early mourning, or any mourning of the year past for the last two years. it's not that i don't have some goals that are almost statistically impossible to achieve. i think i just got comfortable with life in a different way.
i'm good with where i am.
no need for huge resolutions, i'll just work in the direction of things i am interested in and enjoy. period.
it feels great not entering a new year feeling like you've done something wrong. i spent new year's eve with loved ones, good food and a very uncomfortable to watch dick clark. when i woke up (i'm not counting the 3am water/advil waking up), it was just january 1st, not the 'dawn of new day.'
so instead of a resolution on new year's, i felt a sense of gratitude. i felt thankful for my friends and family. i felt thankful for the kind words in a comment on the blog. i felt thankful for being in love. i felt thankful for being able to hang out w/old crew on facebook where we can laugh (award show recaps) and grieve (R.I.P. MJ). i felt thankful for the team that has supported my webseries. i felt thankful for eating and discovering the joy of bacon for the first time in my life. i felt thankful for the insurance plan that helps cover the lipitor that i need from one too many slices of said bacon.
don't get me wrong, there have been some moments. life is tough sometimes. for instance, i have had a migraine for three days and my head is pounding as i write this, but still, life is good.
i'm not getting a ton of hits on the blog since i've been a little less frequent with the posting, so i can say with some certainty that most people reading would be someone i know in some capacity, so let me simply say, thanks.
happy new year.
I have been a similar fit of block too. Sometimes I just feel inundated with thought and mutable to a way of expressing it. I think I am in that phase of life too. I have been having these mild freakouts.
I blame facebook and other networking sites that allow me to see that some of my peers a year after we all had our degrees conferred upon us, some have Master's Degrees, some are earning a Ph.D, some are study the art that they were too afraid to in undergrad.
I don't know, it's just hard sometimes to see which way is the path that you would like to go down and which is the most feasible. Life has felt tough this past year. I just have to find a way to keep calm amid this "transitioning", if you will, to the next level.
*crosses fingers*